아빠 농담 있으신가요???

Vanessa Villanueva

작성자

Tell me hereee

Silver

Lots, but you can't just say them... they have to come up naturally

Vanessa Villanueva

작성자

Yeah fr tho

Gilbert Casey Salinas III

If I'm lying on the floor, what do you call me? 

Scott Laney

🤗Q: Why do they say 'Amen' at the end of a prayer instead of 'Awomen'? 
A: The same reason they sing Hymns instead of Hers! 

I found a book called How to Solve 50% of Your Problems. So I bought 2. 

Some people pick their nose, but I was born with mine. 
 
Where do you take someone who’s been injured in a peek-a-boo accident? The ICU.

How is my wallet like an onion? Every time I open it, I cry. 
 
Did you hear the joke about paper? Never mind, it’s tear-able. 
  
What's the best way to save your dad jokes? In a dadda-base. 

When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it becomes apparent. 

I got a new pen that can write ✍️ UNDER WATER😂It can write other words too. 

What did the left eye say to the right eye❓
Something between us smells 😂
 
What did Baby Corn say to Mama Corn?" "Where's Pop Corn?" 

Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts! 

That wedding was so emotional, even the cake was in tiers. 

The ghost told me he’d bring the boos to the party tonight. 
 
What do you call a mother cow that just gave birth❓
De-calf-inated 

Helping the kids with homework; 
Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems 


Why did the sailor say ‘A, B… A, B… A, B?’
He was lost at C 

When does the alphabet take a break?
It stops for T 

What word can you make shorter by taking away two letters? Short. 

What do you call a happy cowboy? A jolly rancher. 
 
Why do some couples go to the gym? Because they want their relationship to work out. 

Why did the A go to the bathroom and come out as an E?
Because he had a vowel movement. 

I asked my dog what's two minus two. He said nothing. 

If a child refuses to nap, are they guilty of resisting a rest? 

Claustrophobia is the fear of closed spaces. For example: I'm going to the beer store and I'm scared it will be closed. 

Why can’t you put two half-dollars in your pocket? Because two halves make a hole, and your money will fall out! 

If two vegetarians get in an argument, is it still called beef? 
 
Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold, hard cash. 
 
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? If they flew over the bay, they would be bagels. 

Why are spiders so smart? They can find everything on the web. 

What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business. 

Why did the football coach yell at the vending machine? He wanted his quarter back! 
 
What key is used to open bananas? A mon-key.

Stop looking for the perfect match; use a lighter.

What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?
A can’t opener! 

Did you hear about the fire in the shoe factory?
10,000 soles were lost. The police said some heels started it.

What is the best present? Broken drums! You can't beat them.

What's a cat's favorite instrument? Purr-cussion. 

What did the number 20 do when it was hungry? Twenty-eight. 

Q. Why are teddy bears never hungry?
A. Because they’re always stuffed. 

What did the fisherman say to the magician? 
Pick a cod, any cod.”

What do dentists call X-rays?
A. Tooth pics.

"Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it's a soap opera."

If your house is cold, just stand in the corner. It’s always 90 degrees there. 

I can’t take my dog to the park because the ducks keep trying to bite him. 
I guess that’s what I get for buying a pure bread dog.

Why do dads take an extra pair of socks when they play golf? In case they get a hole in one.

What kind of bear has no teeth? A gummy bear.

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Nobel.
Nobel who?
No bell, that’s why I knocked!

What has five toes but isn’t your foot? My foot.

Why is the letter A like a flower? The B comes after it! 

What beverage does a tree drink the most? Root beer!

Why is the strawberry sad? His mom was in a jam!

Every day I announce to my family, "I'm going jogging" 
Then I don't go....it's a running joke
 
Why do bears have sticky hair? Because they use a honeycomb 

1. What do you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account? Prime mates.

2. What kind of noise does a witch's vehicle make? Brrrroooom, brrroooom.

4. What's brown and sticky? A stick.

5. Two guys walked into a bar. The third guy ducked.

6. Did you hear about the actor who broke his leg onstage? He's still in the cast.

What do you do whensomeone calls you overweight❓
Ignore them… & be the bigger person 😉 

8. What do you call it when a group of apes starts a company? Monkey business. 

What’s the least spoken language in the world❓
 Sign language. 

Why do melons have weddings? They cantelope. 

What do you call a sheep who can sing and dance? Lady Ba Ba.

Which vegetable has the best kung fu? Broc-lee.

Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to check her balance... So I pushed her over.

* Dogs can't operate MRI machines. But catscan.
* What do you call a dog who meditates? Aware wolf.
* What kind of fish do penguins catch at night? Star fish.
* Which vegetable has the best kung fu? Broc-lee.
* Can a frog jump higher than a house? Of course, a house can't jump.
* I was going to try an all almond diet, but that's just nuts.
I once submitted 10 puns to a joke competition. I really thought with that many, one was sure to be a winner. Sadly, no pun in ten did.
* Why did the old man fall down the well? He couldn’t see that well.
* I tried to make up a joke about ghost but I couldn't. It had plenty of spirit but no body.
* Two windmills were sitting on a hill. One asks the other, "Do you have a favorite song?" The other replies, "Well... all my life I have been a heavy metal fan."
* The owner of the tuxedo store kept hovering over me when i was browsing, so I asked him to leave me alone. He said, “Fine, suit yourself.”
* Why did the egg have a day off? Because it was Fryday.
* Have you ever heard about the kidnapping at school? It's okay, he woke up.

How do you make seven even❓
You take off the S 

😂 Why was the rabbit so happy? Because some bunny loved him!
 
🤗What kind of animal can you never trust?
A lion   
🤗What type of animal can never be trusted in a card game?
A cheetah 

😉One day a quarter, dime, and a nickel were sitting on a bridge. The dime and nickel jumped off why didn’t the quarter?
It had more cents. 
🤣What animal on the Ark was wearing clothes?
The elephant it had its trunk on!
😂A: I have the perfect son. 
B: Does he smoke? 
A: No, he doesn’t. 
B: Does he drink whiskey? 
A: No, he doesn’t. 
B: Does he ever come home late? 
A: No, he doesn’t. 
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he? 
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday
😉What creature did Noah not bring on the ark?
Fish
  🤣20 people all go to a party. The 20 people all jump into a pool. 20 forehead’s come out. How is this possible?🤗What did the race horse say when he fell over?
Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!
 🤗What do you call an angry carrot?
A steamed veggie.
🤗Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was two tired.
 🤗What did the triangle say to the circle?
You’re pointless.
🤗What do lawyers wear to court?
Lawsuits.
🤗What do elves learn in school?
The elf-abet.
🤗Where was King David’s temple located?
Beside his ear.
👍🏽What did one toilet say to another?
You look flushed.
😇What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire.
🤗What do sprinters eat before they race?
Nothing. They fast.
🤗What has more lives than a cat?
A frog, because it croaks every day.
👑Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot. 
🤗One day Adam and God they were having a discussion. Adam asked God why did you make woman so beautiful? God said so you would like her. Then Adam asked God why did you make woman so soft? God said so that you would like her. Then Adam asked God why did you make woman so dumb? God said so that she would like you. 
😇One day a married couple were arguing about who makes the coffee. The wife said that in the Bible it says how the man is appose to brew the coffee. The husband was really angry and grabbed a Bible and said show me where! She looked through the Bible and said right here Hebrews!
😉Q:Why did God create man before woman? 
A:Because He didn't want to get any advice!
🤣In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. 
 Then God created Man and rested. 
 Then God created Woman. 
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested. 
🤗Where was Noah when the lights were out?
In d'ark
🤣A man is talking to God. "God, how long is a million years?" God answers, "To me, it's about a minute." "God, how much is a million dollars?" "To me, it's a penny." "God, may I have a penny?" "Wait a minute."
💪🏾Q. What did Noah do while he was on the Ark?
A. He fished, but never caught much because he only had 2 worms. 
🤣Why did Noah have to discipline all the chickens on the Ark?
Because they were all using fowl language.
🙌🏻Q. On the Ark, Noah probably got milk from the cows. What did he get from the ducks?
A. Quackers
😇Knock knock. 
Who’s there?
Dull pencil. 
Dull pencil who?
Never mind there’s no point. 
😯What did the race horse say when he fell over?
Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!
🤣Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was two tired.
 💙What did the triangle say to the circle?
You’re pointless.
💛Why was Cinderella so bad at soccer?
She kept running away from the ball!  
💖What do lawyers wear to court?
Lawsuits.
👍🏾What do elves learn in school?
The elf-abet.
😂Where was King David’s temple located?
Beside his ear.
😀What did one toilet say to another?
You look flushed.
🤣What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire.
😇What has more lives than a cat?
A frog, because it croaks every day.
🤗What did the one wall say to the other wall?
I’ll meet you at the corner!
💙What kind of shoes does a ninja wear?
Sneakers 
😉What kind of shoes does a suspicious person wear?
Skechers
💙What type of band plays music without any instruments?
A rubber band 
💙Where do you find a rooster on a plane?
In the cockpit  
💙Where are you if you cross the Atlantic in the Titanic?
Halfway 
💖What did the chicken say to the people who saw a witch? 
Roost-her
💖A bear with socks on is still bear-footed 
😯What is wood but can’t be sawed? 
Sawdust 
😇Why can’t a foot fetish person ever win anything?
Because they love the taste of de-feet 
💕How does Darth Vator like his toast?
On the dark side 
🥹What do you call a sick unicorn? 
Achew-a-corn 
👍🏾I was going to tell you a joke about boxing but I forgot the punch line.
😂I'm not a fan of spring cleaning. Let's be honest, I'm not into summer, fall, or winter cleaning either.
🤣Why did the egg hide? It was a little chicken. 
🥹What part of your body doesn’t like to get upset?
Your stomach, it’s not good to have an upset stomach 😂
😘Why do ducks have feathers on their butts?
To hide their butt quacks 
💪🏾What letter in the alphabet has the most water?
The Ccccc😂🤣
😯What do you call an alligator that’s behind another alligator?
A tailgato
😉What do you call a cheese that’s not yours?
Nacho cheese!
🤣What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.
❤️What did Mr. and Mrs. Hamburger name their daughter?
Pattie
👍🏾Where do beef burgers go dancing?
The meatball. 
🤣What did one hat say to the other? You stay here. I'll go on ahead.
🤣Where do pirates get their hooks? Secondhand stores.
🥺Knock knock. Who's there? Boo. Boo who? Don't cry, I'm only joking!
😂What do you call a sad cup of coffee? Depresso.
 🤗How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend? He gave her a ring.
😯What do horses say when they fall? Help, I’ve fallen and I can’t giddy up.
🤣If a parsley farmer gets sued, can they garnish his wages?
😯I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.
😂What runs but never goes anywhere? A refrigerator.
🤗What did the cucumber say to the pickle? You mean a great dill to me.
😂6:30 is the best time on a clock, hands down.
💪🏾Which is faster, hot or cold? Hot, because you can catch a cold.
😉What did the tomato say to the other tomato during a race? Ketchup.
🥹Why can’t you trust duck doctors? They’re all quacks 🤣
Why can't a leopard hide? Because he's always spotted.
1. 🤗Why are the Irish so wealthy? Because their capital is always Dublin.
2. What do you call an alligator detective? An investi-gator.
3. 👑Why didn't the melons get married? Because they cantaloupe.
4. How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.
5. 😉I always wanted to be a doctor, but I didn't have the patients. 
6. Never buy anything with Velcro. It’s a total rip-off
7. 🤗I buy all my guns from a guy called T-Rex. He’s a small arms dealer.
8. 😂Why is the mushroom always invited to parties? He's a fungi.
9. 😂I'm on a seafood diet: When I see food, I eat it.
10. 🤣What did the full glass say to the empty glass? You look drunk.
11. 🤗What did the snail riding on the turtle's back say? Wheeeeee!
12. 😂Why are skeletons so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin.
13. 🤣Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side got amputated? He’s all right now.
14. What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back? A stick.
15. 🥰How does a rancher keep track of his cattle? With a cow-culator.
16. 🥰Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I'm not going to go spreading it!
17. Why don't sharks eat clowns? Because they taste funny. 
18. Where do cows go on Friday nights? To the moo-vies.
19. Why don't lobsters like to share? They're shellfish.
20. 🥰Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.
21. One of the cows didn’t produce milk today. It was an udder failure.
22. A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?"
23. What do you call a shoe made from a banana? A slipper.
24. 🥰What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
25. 🥰Why couldn't the pony talk? Because she was just a little hoarse.
26. 🥰What do you call a bee that can't make up its mind? A Maybe.
27. 🥰What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear.
28. 🥰What's a ninja's favorite type of shoes? Sneakers.
29. 🥰What did the two pieces of bread say on their wedding day? It was loaf at first sight.
30. What did one wall say to the other? I'll meet you at the corner.
31. 🥰What do dentists call their x-rays? Tooth pics.
32. What job did the frog have at the hotel? Bellhop.
33. The future, the present, and the past walk into a bar. Things got a little tense.
34. What happens when a snowman throws a tantrum? He has a meltdown.
35. What did the full glass say to the empty glass? You look drunk.
36. 🥰What do elves learn in school? The elf-abet.
37. What happens when frogs park illegally? They get toad.
38. 🥰Why did the restaurant hire a pig? He was good at bacon.
39. 🥰Wanna hear a joke about paper? Never mind—it's tearable.
40. What kind of shoes does a lazy person wear? Loafers.
41. 🥰Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I'm not going to spread it.
42. How do you open a banana? With a mon-key.
43. 🥰How do you make a water bed bouncier? Add spring water.
44. Why did the robber jump in the shower? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
45. 🥰I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
46. 🥰Why was the broom late to class? It over-swept.
47. What did the buffalo say when his kid went to college? Bison.
48. Why did the cookie go to the nurse? Because he felt crumby.
49. 🥰What did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator door was opened? Close the door, I'm dressing.
50. Why do pancakes always win at baseball? They have the best batter.
51. What do you call a fibbing cat? A lion.
52. I tried to catch fog yesterday. Mist.
53. Why did the student eat his homework? Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake.

Where do you take a victim who's been injured in a peekaboo accident?
The ICU

What has 5 toes but isn't your foot?
My foot  

What do you get when you cross a bunny with a frog?

A bunny ribbit😂

What’s the best way to deal with an itch?
Start from scratch 

😂where do you learn to make 🍨 Ice cream❓

At Sunday school silly 

The Orion’s belt??? Why doesn’t it not have any pants on? Because it’s mooning you 😂🤣  

Jokes 🤗What do sprinters eat before they race?
Nothing. They fast.
🤗What has more lives than a cat?
A frog, because it croaks every day.
👑Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot. 

Where was Noah when the lights were out?
In d'ark
🤣A man is talking to God. "God, how long is a million years?" God answers, "To me, it's about a minute." "God, how much is a million dollars?" "To me, it's a penny." "God, may I have a penny?" "Wait a minute."
💪🏾Q. What did Noah do while he was on the Ark?
A. He fished, but never caught much because he only had 2 worms. 
🤣Why did Noah have to discipline all the chickens on the Ark?
Because they were all using fowl language.

😇Knock knock. 
Who’s there?
Dull pencil. 
Dull pencil who?
Never mind there’s no point. 

 💙What did the triangle say to the circle?
You’re pointless.

What kind of exercise do lazy people do❓
Diddly squats 

What do you call a fish with no eyes❓
FSH

When is a door not a door❓
When it’s ajar 

I can only remember 25 letters of the alphabet. 
I don’t know Y. 

What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards❓
A receding hairline 😂

Why do ducks have feathers on their butts❓
To cover their butt quacks 

Why did the robber take a bath❓
He wanted a clean getaway 

What kind of math does an Alaskan snow owl like❓
Owlgebra

Why was the math book so sad❓
It had too many problems 

What did the snowman say to the customer❓
Have a ice day 

Why did the ice cream truck break down❓
Because of the rocky road 

Where can you find an ocean without any water❓
On a map 

Why did the orange juice worker lose their job❓
They couldn’t concentrate 

Why do hummingbirds hum❓
They don’t know the words 

People in Dubai don’t like the Flintstones. 
But people in abu dhabi do❗️😂

What do you get from an Alaskan cow❓
Ice-cream 

What did the bald man say when he received a comb for a gift❓
Thanks I’ll never part with it 

How does a pig go to the hospital❓
In a hambulance
 
What do lawyers wear to court❓
Law-suits 

What did the pirate get on his report card❓
Seven-C’s

How do trees feel in the spring❓
Releaved 

Who invented fire❓
Some bright spark 

Why are pirates so mean❓
I don’t know they just AARRRRRREEEEE

Dad told me to stop acting like a flamingo. 
So I had to put my foot down   

Why was the broom late❓
it over swept 


What sits at the bottom of the sea and shakes❓
A nervous wreck

What do you see monsters eat for lunch❓
Fish & ships 

How did the farmer find his missing cow❓
He tractor down 

Scott Laney

🤗Q: Why do they say 'Amen' at the end of a prayer instead of 'Awomen'? 
A: The same reason they sing Hymns instead of Hers! 

I found a book called How to Solve 50% of Your Problems. So I bought 2. 

Some people pick their nose, but I was born with mine. 
 
Where do you take someone who’s been injured in a peek-a-boo accident? The ICU.

How is my wallet like an onion? Every time I open it, I cry. 
 
Did you hear the joke about paper? Never mind, it’s tear-able. 
  
What's the best way to save your dad jokes? In a dadda-base. 

When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it becomes apparent. 

I got a new pen that can write ✍️ UNDER WATER😂It can write other words too. 

What did the left eye say to the right eye❓
Something between us smells 😂
 
What did Baby Corn say to Mama Corn?" "Where's Pop Corn?" 

Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts! 

That wedding was so emotional, even the cake was in tiers. 

The ghost told me he’d bring the boos to the party tonight. 
 
What do you call a mother cow that just gave birth❓
De-calf-inated 

Helping the kids with homework; 
Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems 


Why did the sailor say ‘A, B… A, B… A, B?’
He was lost at C 

When does the alphabet take a break?
It stops for T 

What word can you make shorter by taking away two letters? Short. 

What do you call a happy cowboy? A jolly rancher. 
 
Why do some couples go to the gym? Because they want their relationship to work out. 

Why did the A go to the bathroom and come out as an E?
Because he had a vowel movement. 

I asked my dog what's two minus two. He said nothing. 

If a child refuses to nap, are they guilty of resisting a rest? 

Claustrophobia is the fear of closed spaces. For example: I'm going to the beer store and I'm scared it will be closed. 

Why can’t you put two half-dollars in your pocket? Because two halves make a hole, and your money will fall out! 

If two vegetarians get in an argument, is it still called beef? 
 
Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold, hard cash. 
 
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? If they flew over the bay, they would be bagels. 

Why are spiders so smart? They can find everything on the web. 

What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business. 

Why did the football coach yell at the vending machine? He wanted his quarter back! 
 
What key is used to open bananas? A mon-key.

Stop looking for the perfect match; use a lighter.

What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?
A can’t opener! 

Did you hear about the fire in the shoe factory?
10,000 soles were lost. The police said some heels started it.

What is the best present? Broken drums! You can't beat them.

What's a cat's favorite instrument? Purr-cussion. 

What did the number 20 do when it was hungry? Twenty-eight. 

Q. Why are teddy bears never hungry?
A. Because they’re always stuffed. 

What did the fisherman say to the magician? 
Pick a cod, any cod.”

What do dentists call X-rays?
A. Tooth pics.

"Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it's a soap opera."

If your house is cold, just stand in the corner. It’s always 90 degrees there. 

I can’t take my dog to the park because the ducks keep trying to bite him. 
I guess that’s what I get for buying a pure bread dog.

Why do dads take an extra pair of socks when they play golf? In case they get a hole in one.

What kind of bear has no teeth? A gummy bear.

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Nobel.
Nobel who?
No bell, that’s why I knocked!

What has five toes but isn’t your foot? My foot.

Why is the letter A like a flower? The B comes after it! 

What beverage does a tree drink the most? Root beer!

Why is the strawberry sad? His mom was in a jam!

Every day I announce to my family, "I'm going jogging" 
Then I don't go....it's a running joke
 
Why do bears have sticky hair? Because they use a honeycomb 

1. What do you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account? Prime mates.

2. What kind of noise does a witch's vehicle make? Brrrroooom, brrroooom.

4. What's brown and sticky? A stick.

5. Two guys walked into a bar. The third guy ducked.

6. Did you hear about the actor who broke his leg onstage? He's still in the cast.

What do you do whensomeone calls you overweight❓
Ignore them… & be the bigger person 😉 

8. What do you call it when a group of apes starts a company? Monkey business. 

What’s the least spoken language in the world❓
 Sign language. 

Why do melons have weddings? They cantelope. 

What do you call a sheep who can sing and dance? Lady Ba Ba.

Which vegetable has the best kung fu? Broc-lee.

Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to check her balance... So I pushed her over.

* Dogs can't operate MRI machines. But catscan.
* What do you call a dog who meditates? Aware wolf.
* What kind of fish do penguins catch at night? Star fish.
* Which vegetable has the best kung fu? Broc-lee.
* Can a frog jump higher than a house? Of course, a house can't jump.
* I was going to try an all almond diet, but that's just nuts.
I once submitted 10 puns to a joke competition. I really thought with that many, one was sure to be a winner. Sadly, no pun in ten did.
* Why did the old man fall down the well? He couldn’t see that well.
* I tried to make up a joke about ghost but I couldn't. It had plenty of spirit but no body.
* Two windmills were sitting on a hill. One asks the other, "Do you have a favorite song?" The other replies, "Well... all my life I have been a heavy metal fan."
* The owner of the tuxedo store kept hovering over me when i was browsing, so I asked him to leave me alone. He said, “Fine, suit yourself.”
* Why did the egg have a day off? Because it was Fryday.
* Have you ever heard about the kidnapping at school? It's okay, he woke up.

How do you make seven even❓
You take off the S 

😂 Why was the rabbit so happy? Because some bunny loved him!
 
🤗What kind of animal can you never trust?
A lion   
🤗What type of animal can never be trusted in a card game?
A cheetah 

😉One day a quarter, dime, and a nickel were sitting on a bridge. The dime and nickel jumped off why didn’t the quarter?
It had more cents. 
🤣What animal on the Ark was wearing clothes?
The elephant it had its trunk on!
😂A: I have the perfect son. 
B: Does he smoke? 
A: No, he doesn’t. 
B: Does he drink whiskey? 
A: No, he doesn’t. 
B: Does he ever come home late? 
A: No, he doesn’t. 
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he? 
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday
😉What creature did Noah not bring on the ark?
Fish
  🤣20 people all go to a party. The 20 people all jump into a pool. 20 forehead’s come out. How is this possible?🤗What did the race horse say when he fell over?
Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!
 🤗What do you call an angry carrot?
A steamed veggie.
🤗Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was two tired.
 🤗What did the triangle say to the circle?
You’re pointless.
🤗What do lawyers wear to court?
Lawsuits.
🤗What do elves learn in school?
The elf-abet.
🤗Where was King David’s temple located?
Beside his ear.
👍🏽What did one toilet say to another?
You look flushed.
😇What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire.
🤗What do sprinters eat before they race?
Nothing. They fast.
🤗What has more lives than a cat?
A frog, because it croaks every day.
👑Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot. 
🤗One day Adam and God they were having a discussion. Adam asked God why did you make woman so beautiful? God said so you would like her. Then Adam asked God why did you make woman so soft? God said so that you would like her. Then Adam asked God why did you make woman so dumb? God said so that she would like you. 
😇One day a married couple were arguing about who makes the coffee. The wife said that in the Bible it says how the man is appose to brew the coffee. The husband was really angry and grabbed a Bible and said show me where! She looked through the Bible and said right here Hebrews!
😉Q:Why did God create man before woman? 
A:Because He didn't want to get any advice!
🤣In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. 
 Then God created Man and rested. 
 Then God created Woman. 
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested. 
🤗Where was Noah when the lights were out?
In d'ark
🤣A man is talking to God. "God, how long is a million years?" God answers, "To me, it's about a minute." "God, how much is a million dollars?" "To me, it's a penny." "God, may I have a penny?" "Wait a minute."
💪🏾Q. What did Noah do while he was on the Ark?
A. He fished, but never caught much because he only had 2 worms. 
🤣Why did Noah have to discipline all the chickens on the Ark?
Because they were all using fowl language.
🙌🏻Q. On the Ark, Noah probably got milk from the cows. What did he get from the ducks?
A. Quackers
😇Knock knock. 
Who’s there?
Dull pencil. 
Dull pencil who?
Never mind there’s no point. 
😯What did the race horse say when he fell over?
Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!
🤣Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was two tired.
 💙What did the triangle say to the circle?
You’re pointless.
💛Why was Cinderella so bad at soccer?
She kept running away from the ball!  
💖What do lawyers wear to court?
Lawsuits.
👍🏾What do elves learn in school?
The elf-abet.
😂Where was King David’s temple located?
Beside his ear.
😀What did one toilet say to another?
You look flushed.
🤣What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire.
😇What has more lives than a cat?
A frog, because it croaks every day.
🤗What did the one wall say to the other wall?
I’ll meet you at the corner!
💙What kind of shoes does a ninja wear?
Sneakers 
😉What kind of shoes does a suspicious person wear?
Skechers
💙What type of band plays music without any instruments?
A rubber band 
💙Where do you find a rooster on a plane?
In the cockpit  
💙Where are you if you cross the Atlantic in the Titanic?
Halfway 
💖What did the chicken say to the people who saw a witch? 
Roost-her
💖A bear with socks on is still bear-footed 
😯What is wood but can’t be sawed? 
Sawdust 
😇Why can’t a foot fetish person ever win anything?
Because they love the taste of de-feet 
💕How does Darth Vator like his toast?
On the dark side 
🥹What do you call a sick unicorn? 
Achew-a-corn 
👍🏾I was going to tell you a joke about boxing but I forgot the punch line.
😂I'm not a fan of spring cleaning. Let's be honest, I'm not into summer, fall, or winter cleaning either.
🤣Why did the egg hide? It was a little chicken. 
🥹What part of your body doesn’t like to get upset?
Your stomach, it’s not good to have an upset stomach 😂
😘Why do ducks have feathers on their butts?
To hide their butt quacks 
💪🏾What letter in the alphabet has the most water?
The Ccccc😂🤣
😯What do you call an alligator that’s behind another alligator?
A tailgato
😉What do you call a cheese that’s not yours?
Nacho cheese!
🤣What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.
❤️What did Mr. and Mrs. Hamburger name their daughter?
Pattie
👍🏾Where do beef burgers go dancing?
The meatball. 
🤣What did one hat say to the other? You stay here. I'll go on ahead.
🤣Where do pirates get their hooks? Secondhand stores.
🥺Knock knock. Who's there? Boo. Boo who? Don't cry, I'm only joking!
😂What do you call a sad cup of coffee? Depresso.
 🤗How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend? He gave her a ring.
😯What do horses say when they fall? Help, I’ve fallen and I can’t giddy up.
🤣If a parsley farmer gets sued, can they garnish his wages?
😯I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.
😂What runs but never goes anywhere? A refrigerator.
🤗What did the cucumber say to the pickle? You mean a great dill to me.
😂6:30 is the best time on a clock, hands down.
💪🏾Which is faster, hot or cold? Hot, because you can catch a cold.
😉What did the tomato say to the other tomato during a race? Ketchup.
🥹Why can’t you trust duck doctors? They’re all quacks 🤣
Why can't a leopard hide? Because he's always spotted.
1. 🤗Why are the Irish so wealthy? Because their capital is always Dublin.
2. What do you call an alligator detective? An investi-gator.
3. 👑Why didn't the melons get married? Because they cantaloupe.
4. How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.
5. 😉I always wanted to be a doctor, but I didn't have the patients. 
6. Never buy anything with Velcro. It’s a total rip-off
7. 🤗I buy all my guns from a guy called T-Rex. He’s a small arms dealer.
8. 😂Why is the mushroom always invited to parties? He's a fungi.
9. 😂I'm on a seafood diet: When I see food, I eat it.
10. 🤣What did the full glass say to the empty glass? You look drunk.
11. 🤗What did the snail riding on the turtle's back say? Wheeeeee!
12. 😂Why are skeletons so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin.
13. 🤣Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side got amputated? He’s all right now.
14. What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back? A stick.
15. 🥰How does a rancher keep track of his cattle? With a cow-culator.
16. 🥰Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I'm not going to go spreading it!
17. Why don't sharks eat clowns? Because they taste funny. 
18. Where do cows go on Friday nights? To the moo-vies.
19. Why don't lobsters like to share? They're shellfish.
20. 🥰Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.
21. One of the cows didn’t produce milk today. It was an udder failure.
22. A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?"
23. What do you call a shoe made from a banana? A slipper.
24. 🥰What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
25. 🥰Why couldn't the pony talk? Because she was just a little hoarse.
26. 🥰What do you call a bee that can't make up its mind? A Maybe.
27. 🥰What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear.
28. 🥰What's a ninja's favorite type of shoes? Sneakers.
29. 🥰What did the two pieces of bread say on their wedding day? It was loaf at first sight.
30. What did one wall say to the other? I'll meet you at the corner.
31. 🥰What do dentists call their x-rays? Tooth pics.
32. What job did the frog have at the hotel? Bellhop.
33. The future, the present, and the past walk into a bar. Things got a little tense.
34. What happens when a snowman throws a tantrum? He has a meltdown.
35. What did the full glass say to the empty glass? You look drunk.
36. 🥰What do elves learn in school? The elf-abet.
37. What happens when frogs park illegally? They get toad.
38. 🥰Why did the restaurant hire a pig? He was good at bacon.
39. 🥰Wanna hear a joke about paper? Never mind—it's tearable.
40. What kind of shoes does a lazy person wear? Loafers.
41. 🥰Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I'm not going to spread it.
42. How do you open a banana? With a mon-key.
43. 🥰How do you make a water bed bouncier? Add spring water.
44. Why did the robber jump in the shower? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
45. 🥰I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
46. 🥰Why was the broom late to class? It over-swept.
47. What did the buffalo say when his kid went to college? Bison.
48. Why did the cookie go to the nurse? Because he felt crumby.
49. 🥰What did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator door was opened? Close the door, I'm dressing.
50. Why do pancakes always win at baseball? They have the best batter.
51. What do you call a fibbing cat? A lion.
52. I tried to catch fog yesterday. Mist.
53. Why did the student eat his homework? Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake.

Where do you take a victim who's been injured in a peekaboo accident?
The ICU

What has 5 toes but isn't your foot?
My foot  

What do you get when you cross a bunny with a frog?

A bunny ribbit😂

What’s the best way to deal with an itch?
Start from scratch 

😂where do you learn to make 🍨 Ice cream❓

At Sunday school silly 

The Orion’s belt??? Why doesn’t it not have any pants on? Because it’s mooning you 😂🤣  

Jokes 🤗What do sprinters eat before they race?
Nothing. They fast.
🤗What has more lives than a cat?
A frog, because it croaks every day.
👑Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot. 

Where was Noah when the lights were out?
In d'ark
🤣A man is talking to God. "God, how long is a million years?" God answers, "To me, it's about a minute." "God, how much is a million dollars?" "To me, it's a penny." "God, may I have a penny?" "Wait a minute."
💪🏾Q. What did Noah do while he was on the Ark?
A. He fished, but never caught much because he only had 2 worms. 
🤣Why did Noah have to discipline all the chickens on the Ark?
Because they were all using fowl language.

😇Knock knock. 
Who’s there?
Dull pencil. 
Dull pencil who?
Never mind there’s no point. 

 💙What did the triangle say to the circle?
You’re pointless.

What kind of exercise do lazy people do❓
Diddly squats 

What do you call a fish with no eyes❓
FSH

When is a door not a door❓
When it’s ajar 

I can only remember 25 letters of the alphabet. 
I don’t know Y. 

What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards❓
A receding hairline 😂

Why do ducks have feathers on their butts❓
To cover their butt quacks 

Why did the robber take a bath❓
He wanted a clean getaway 

What kind of math does an Alaskan snow owl like❓
Owlgebra

Why was the math book so sad❓
It had too many problems 

What did the snowman say to the customer❓
Have a ice day 

Why did the ice cream truck break down❓
Because of the rocky road 

Where can you find an ocean without any water❓
On a map 

Why did the orange juice worker lose their job❓
They couldn’t concentrate 

Why do hummingbirds hum❓
They don’t know the words 

People in Dubai don’t like the Flintstones. 
But people in abu dhabi do❗️😂

What do you get from an Alaskan cow❓
Ice-cream 

What did the bald man say when he received a comb for a gift❓
Thanks I’ll never part with it 

How does a pig go to the hospital❓
In a hambulance
 
What do lawyers wear to court❓
Law-suits 

What did the pirate get on his report card❓
Seven-C’s

How do trees feel in the spring❓
Releaved 

Who invented fire❓
Some bright spark 

Why are pirates so mean❓
I don’t know they just AARRRRRREEEEE

Dad told me to stop acting like a flamingo. 
So I had to put my foot down   

Why was the broom late❓
it over swept 


What sits at the bottom of the sea and shakes❓
A nervous wreck

What do you see monsters eat for lunch❓
Fish & ships 

How did the farmer find his missing cow❓
He tractor down 

Alyssa Jacksun

You lost your wallet, you lost your phone, but Alicia Keys still there. 😏

Jason Kropf

Cows kill more people than sharks every year... in fact cows kill very few sharks

Crystal Byerly

Cute

@1d3N

What do you call a deer with no eyes

Scott Laney

YouTube IOG news and call 1-800-96BIBLE for a beautiful true teaching church 

Amy Bartell

Every time my grandmother and I were at a wedding she’d say: “you’re next”. So I started saying the same thing to her at funerals.

Amy Bartell

A few more 🤣 DAD JOKES dark humor and a few cheesy
**Option 1: Let’s eat grandma.
Option 2: Let’s eat, grandma.
There you have it. Proof that punctuation saves lives.🤣
**"What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?" "Sofishticated."
**My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair.
Guess who came crawling back?🤨🙄🤣
**"I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes. Turns out it was the refrigerator all along."
**"Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems."
**Life is like a peepee
It’s often hard for no reason
**You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving more than once.

***A man and a woman are walking through the woods at night when the woman says “I’m scared”.
“How do you think I feel?” The man replies. “I have to walk back alone.”

Charlotte Lee

🤣Which planet is the stinkiest?
Uranus😝

Gabriel Beach

Why is it always hot in corners it always 90 degrees 

Laura B. Fierce

Why do ducks have feathers? To cover their buttquacks.

(Use a cheech and chong voice for this one, trust me)
What do you do when you see a space...man? You park your car...man!

Why do sea gulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay they'd be bagels 🥯!

How does NASA prepare for a party?
They Planet.

I have a million more, this is actually how my species finds a mate we just blurt out horrificly corny jokes and wait to see who takes the bait. Don't judge me, it worked and 12 years later he's still here. The buttquack one is his actually 😆

Rachel Jorgensen

What's a pirates favorite letter? 


Most think it tis Rrrr but actually it tis the C 

Kishor Bhagat

No

Nathanial Ancene

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 LOL!! HOT DOG

Marvin P

How do you know when its a dad joke??? When its apparent! Get it? A-Parent? Waka waka!